Academy Rules and Regulations, Updated

There has been some confusion recently about the rules and regulations here at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy. The administration has decided it will post the academy regulations here so all students might be able to find, read, and abide by them.

1. Academic Integrity - It violates the policies and rules to have another student, family member or friend who previously attended the Academy, or former member of the janitorial staff write papers, perform spells, or take tests for you. If you can get a teacher to do any of the above, go for it.

2. The Farm - As most of you are aware, we at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy have an on-site farm, so our agriculture students are able to study and learn from these creatures. That said, the fish in the pond DO NOT like champagne and any student who pours champagne into the pond so "the fish may celebrate surviving another term of classes" will be expelled.

3. Fees - We know that some of you feel the fees here at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy are too high. "Exorbitant" according to a few of you. We'd like to remind you that you're training to become a warrior and thus our insurance rates are outrageous. If you'd like to complain, you may contact our insurance agent.

4. "The creature lurking in the South Hall" - his name is Irving and he doesn't appreciate being stared at, called a "creature", or being chased with torches. He does like quiet walks in the park, cuddling in front of a fireplace, and the rain. He has a steady job, his own house, and a "pet" that adores him. If you're interested in meeting him, please call...how did this get in here? Oh well, if you're interested in a date, just go find him in the South Hall.

5. Attendance - You are required to attend all your classes. If you must miss a class, be sure to inform your instructor beforehand so appropriate disciplinary actions may be taken.

Any other regulations deemed necessary by the administration will be added as needed.

Squad Academy Subjects

*Beginning in January, we will begin our regular schedule of classes and orientation will begin it's transition to history.*

Subjects for incoming academy students:

History (formerly orientation)

LRS history is a requirement for each of the five years of your study here at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy. Don't even think about trying to skip this class.

Mathematics

Any academy student must have a thorough understanding of counting, adding, subtracting, using multiplication tables, division, and non-linear algebra.

Science

All academy students are trained in general sciences such as: Basic Physics, Simple Life Sciences, Elementary Earth Sciences. All fourth year students may choose their advanced science subjects from the following: Advanced Cloud Identification, Avoiding Falling Out of Trees 2, Blood and Why You Need It to Live 4, and of course, everyone's favorite: Poisons: Oops You Drank From the Wrong Vial.

LlamaSpeak

Formerly called English, all academy students are required to complete 5 years of LlamaSpeak. Fourth years and up may choose their advanced language subjects from the following: Communicating with Lions 8, Simple Elephant Phrases for Conversation While Waiting for your Starbucks Order 19, or Eloquence in Writing an Evil Plan 5.

PenKeeping

Two years of required classes. Choices include: What To Do When the Roomba Clogs, My Lion Forgot to Feed Me, Now What?, or Don't Headbutt the Pen: How Strong are These Pen Walls Really?  

Foreign Languages

Five years required classes. Choose from: Lion 1, Lion 2, Lion 3, Lion 4, Even Nora Can't Pass Lion 5, Elephant 1, Elephant 2, Giraffe 1, Giraffe 2, Penguin 1, Penguin 2, Evil Plans 1, Evil Plans 2, Evil Plans 3, Evil Plans 4, and Elsie's Grand Plan 5.

Basic Life Skills

Minimum of 4 years, 5 if planning to attend University. Choose from: Practical Battle Field Wound Stitching, Notes to Keep Your Family From Worrying, Cannibalism: How to Choose Your Next Dinner, Cooking for One or a Squadron, Does Black Tie Mean No Weapons and Other Etiquette, and Early Childhood Development: Keeping the Children Quiet While Mommy Assassinates the Lion.