History, Part 1 or Orientation, Part 8

Pito paced the garden below Nora's room. He needed to find a way to attack Evil Emperoress Elsie's Fortress. It was a well known fact that simply knocking on the door resulted in a long drawn out Knock Knock joke that never was funny. Though Elsie always laughed hysterically.

Just as he was about to give up and head inside to discuss plans with the rest of the llama squad a battalion of geese ran past him, charging up the hill.

Pito watched as the oldest of the geese honked orders at the young cadets.

Suddenly he had an idea for getting into the Fortress.

Pito ran for the Flying Goose Battalion's training gym. Inside he saw many young geese scurrying around, doing as their instructors honk at them. He saw the general and hurried over to him.

"General Bonk! Captain Pito DeLlama with an idea on getting our lion back, Sir!" Pito said excitedly as he saluted his superior officer.

"What's your idea, Captain?" General Bonk asked.

"Sir, I think we should use your battalion as a distraction."

"My battalion is very young, they are not ready for a battle," the general told him with a frown.

"Sir, I think they should fly over the fortress. It's a well-known fact that Emperoress Elsie loves to watch the geese fly, as do her minions. That should distract her while the rest of us attack," Pito explained.

"My battalion isn't ready to fly! They're still practicing maneuvers on the ground!"

" I know Sir, but desperate times call for desperate measures!"

"Tell me more of your plan," General Bonk said as he and Pito walked toward the General's office.

Until next time, be ever attentive!

Elective Choices

After much consideration and debate the faculty and staff of the Llama Retribution Squad Academy would like to announce your elective options. Remember you must take ten of the eleven options over your five years. If you're already in years two and above you must take an elective each of the rest of your terms.

Elective choices:

Study Hall 1
Study Hall 2
Study Hall 3
Study Hall 4
Study Hall 5
Study Hall 6
Study Hall 7
Study Hall 8
Study Hall 9
Study Hall 10
Study Hall 11

Note: The above courses may be taken in any order.

Any further questions, discussions, or complaints will result in two electives per term.

Complaints and the Addition of Electives

It has come to the attention of the administration that many students have yet to return from their Winter Holidays. While under normal circumstances we'd be preparing the dungeons and whips, our whip master has yet to return as well. Since none of the staff are willing to venture into the South Hall, the administration has decided to extend your holidays until the 16th of January.

There have also been a large number of complaints about the lack of electives being offered. As such, the administration will be compiling a list of 11 electives to offer. Each student must take 10 of these 11 during their five year tenure.

We will be posting the electives next week. We expect all students to sign up for their electives before the end of the day or you will assigned to a class.

Academy Rules and Regulations, Updated

There has been some confusion recently about the rules and regulations here at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy. The administration has decided it will post the academy regulations here so all students might be able to find, read, and abide by them.

1. Academic Integrity - It violates the policies and rules to have another student, family member or friend who previously attended the Academy, or former member of the janitorial staff write papers, perform spells, or take tests for you. If you can get a teacher to do any of the above, go for it.

2. The Farm - As most of you are aware, we at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy have an on-site farm, so our agriculture students are able to study and learn from these creatures. That said, the fish in the pond DO NOT like champagne and any student who pours champagne into the pond so "the fish may celebrate surviving another term of classes" will be expelled.

3. Fees - We know that some of you feel the fees here at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy are too high. "Exorbitant" according to a few of you. We'd like to remind you that you're training to become a warrior and thus our insurance rates are outrageous. If you'd like to complain, you may contact our insurance agent.

4. "The creature lurking in the South Hall" - his name is Irving and he doesn't appreciate being stared at, called a "creature", or being chased with torches. He does like quiet walks in the park, cuddling in front of a fireplace, and the rain. He has a steady job, his own house, and a "pet" that adores him. If you're interested in meeting him, please call...how did this get in here? Oh well, if you're interested in a date, just go find him in the South Hall.

5. Attendance - You are required to attend all your classes. If you must miss a class, be sure to inform your instructor beforehand so appropriate disciplinary actions may be taken.

Any other regulations deemed necessary by the administration will be added as needed.

Squad Academy Subjects

*Beginning in January, we will begin our regular schedule of classes and orientation will begin it's transition to history.*

Subjects for incoming academy students:

History (formerly orientation)

LRS history is a requirement for each of the five years of your study here at the Llama Retribution Squad Academy. Don't even think about trying to skip this class.

Mathematics

Any academy student must have a thorough understanding of counting, adding, subtracting, using multiplication tables, division, and non-linear algebra.

Science

All academy students are trained in general sciences such as: Basic Physics, Simple Life Sciences, Elementary Earth Sciences. All fourth year students may choose their advanced science subjects from the following: Advanced Cloud Identification, Avoiding Falling Out of Trees 2, Blood and Why You Need It to Live 4, and of course, everyone's favorite: Poisons: Oops You Drank From the Wrong Vial.

LlamaSpeak

Formerly called English, all academy students are required to complete 5 years of LlamaSpeak. Fourth years and up may choose their advanced language subjects from the following: Communicating with Lions 8, Simple Elephant Phrases for Conversation While Waiting for your Starbucks Order 19, or Eloquence in Writing an Evil Plan 5.

PenKeeping

Two years of required classes. Choices include: What To Do When the Roomba Clogs, My Lion Forgot to Feed Me, Now What?, or Don't Headbutt the Pen: How Strong are These Pen Walls Really?  

Foreign Languages

Five years required classes. Choose from: Lion 1, Lion 2, Lion 3, Lion 4, Even Nora Can't Pass Lion 5, Elephant 1, Elephant 2, Giraffe 1, Giraffe 2, Penguin 1, Penguin 2, Evil Plans 1, Evil Plans 2, Evil Plans 3, Evil Plans 4, and Elsie's Grand Plan 5.

Basic Life Skills

Minimum of 4 years, 5 if planning to attend University. Choose from: Practical Battle Field Wound Stitching, Notes to Keep Your Family From Worrying, Cannibalism: How to Choose Your Next Dinner, Cooking for One or a Squadron, Does Black Tie Mean No Weapons and Other Etiquette, and Early Childhood Development: Keeping the Children Quiet While Mommy Assassinates the Lion.

Orientation, Part 7

"Nora" paced her bedroom. She had a suspicion Pito was starting to doubt her. A troubling thought if her plan as going to work. She needed to keep him busy and out of the way.

"Pito!" she screeched, hoping he'd hurry to help her.

Her guard llama burst into the room just as a yellow duck wing yanked her over the balcony railing. Before he could reach her, Pito heard a splash into the lake outside Nora's bedroom.

Pito looked down into the water, waiting for Nora to come up for air.

With the moon hidden by clouds, he couldn't see much below him, however, Pito did manage to see some of the reeds on the far side of the lake swaying oddly.

Pito made his way to the great hall. "Llamas!" he called, his arms held wide as he motioned them all toward him.

"We have had a traitor among us. The Nora who has been here the last few days was not our lion, but an impostor!  We must find the real Nora and return her to her queendom!"

A cheer rose from the crowd and JoyJoy bound over to Pito, excitedly sneezing and holding up the list "Nora" had insisted she write.

Pito looked at the scribbles and smiled. "Good work, JoyJoy! We have a place to begin!"

Until next time, be ever attentive!

Orientation, Part 6

The duckling managed to escape the herd of llamas running after her. No one was quite sure how. All they knew was she was in front of them one minute and gone the next.

Pito paced in his room. He had a sneaking suspicion that "Nora" had helped the duckling escape. But how? And how could he prove it?

Pito had an idea. He just needed to set a trap.

In Nora's Room

"And tell the llamas that only I, Nora am allowed to chase other animals. Duckling or not," Nora was saying.

JoyJoy nodded at her as she scribbled on a paper.

"And tell the llamas that only I, Nora am allowed to train to fight other animals," Nora added.

JoyJoy nodded and scribbled again.

"Okay, JoyJoy, read them back to me. All eighty-seven of my new directives," Nora demanded.

JoyJoy looked at her paper and titled her head. She smiled at Nora and handed her the paper.

"What's the problem, llama?" Nora began then looked at the scribbles. "Oh. Never mind. I'll write them out myself."

JoyJoy bounced over and gave Nora kisses.

"Okay, okay, you crazy llama. Go play llamaopoly or something," Nora told her.

JoyJoy wandered out of the room but wondered why Nora was suddenly calling her a llama instead of a giraffe like she usually did.

Until next time, be ever attentive!